Peer Feedback
#1: I absolutely loved this poem. It was so powerful and true in every way. The words flowed so
beautifully. I loved your imagery, especially “groove through my skin like rushing water creating
a deep canyon through sediment.” It shows the true beauty of these stretch marks. How you
didn’t think anything was wrong with them until society told you to “get rid of them.” Putting
those two sentences right next to each other was a great way of showing that contrast. I also liked
the repetition of “I remember” with each time getting even more and more powerful. Everything
fit perfectly, and it had a great beginning, middle and end. I like how it began by society making
the statement of love yourself, and then at the end you go back to the statement in the beginning
to tie it all together. I wouldn’t change much about this piece, if anything it would just be little
things. I personally think that if you had the beginning as:
“Just love yourself,” society said.
“But it’s hard,” I said.
“Well why is it hard?”
“Because I remember.”
I feel as if the last two “society said” and “I said” aren’t really necessary because if they’re put in
that format then it’s assumed that’s who is talking. I also feel that the “I remember” has a
stronger effect because there is nothing after it, and it kind of echoes. The rest would just be little
grammar things like the comma going inside the quotation marks.
#2: This was so sad and beautiful at the same time. I definitely did not expect the ending that it
had because you did such a great job of conveying the happiness that you endured in the
beginning of your childhood. Once again, your imagery was great. The specific words that you
used really helped me to picture exactly what your childhood was like. I loved the extra details that you added with each description that described how you felt about the scenery at the time.
For example, when you talked about what you thought about the soybeans, and how you would
watch fireflies out of the window. This shows your sense of wonder and childhood innocence
which was then taken away, causing you to no longer watch fireflies out of the window. I like
how you gave details of your family, it makes it a lot more personal and less like just background
characters in your life. By describing their characteristics it gives more of an impact of the
hardships you and your siblings faced because the reader can somewhat know them more
personally. It was hard for me to think of something to change. Something that you could
possibly do could be to add one more concluding sentence at the end. It sort of feels like it just
stops suddenly, but that could also be the effect that you want.
#3: Loved this so much. I can definitely relate to it as well. What you were saying was all so
true, and has a strong message. It felt like a true conversation, even if just to yourself. I think
something that helped with this was the rhetorical questions. I like how you were so encouraging
to yourself. The word choice also fit very well and the letter truly flowed, and I could read it
smoothly. Some of my favorites: “passionately authentic,” “ignorant bliss of vulnerability,” and
“making beautiful ideas from our difficulties and struggles.” I like how you mentioned that
although you may have thought that you left creativity behind, you found new forms of it
through journaling, and creativity has been with you this whole time. You also integrated the
quotes very well and I thought that they fit well with the words that you were writing, and were
almost like words of encouragement. If anything, you could add a few more words about the
quote before it to introduce it, and could explain it a little more after. There really isn’t anything I
would change. I thought it was written poetically, and I enjoyed reading it.
